The following day, Shintaro woke up feeling groggy, his head heavy with sleep.
First, it was really hard to even open eyes as if there were some heavy weights on his eyelids. Then, it took him a moment to figure out where he even was.
After looking around, Shintaro realized he was in the third bedroom, the one usually used by Juri and Hokuto, though none of them really had specific beds assigned to them.
The previous night's events were a bit of a blur for Shintaro. He tried to remember everything as he rubbed his dry eyes.
Right, the weed.
At first, they had all been laughing and talking this and that, feeling pretty relaxed. But as the drug had hit them harder, they all had become even more giggly and hysterical. Shintaro vaguely remembered talking about neural pathways with Hokuto for a long time and then cuddling on the floor with Juri. He remembered that it had ended up with them stealing some quick kisses when no one had been looking.
Then, there was a long blackout in Shintaro's mind, and the next moment he remembered was the feeling of bare skin against his own and wet kisses trailing along his throat inside a dark room.
Shintaro returned to the present moment and realized he was in bed without any clothes. Then, he turned his head and noticed that he was lying right next to Juri, who was still fast asleep and just as naked as Shintaro. Juri's hair was all messy, which made him look a bit funny in the morning light.
Shintaro couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the immediate shock and awkwardness of the situation. It seemed he had gone all the way and actually slept with Juri, although his memory of the events was fuzzy at best.
The memories from the night before were definitely more than unclear. Shintaro struggled to remember how they got into bed together and what time everything had happened. But he did have some flashbacks, so there was no doubt to put puzzle pieces together.
It wasn't something that he hadn't ever hoped to happen. Shintaro was a human, and he had acknowledged a good while ago that some kind of flirting had been going on between him and Juri. He had just never even considered taking the matter into his own hands in any way. The very least in this way, because even with the flirting, it had been unclear if Juri wanted to bring things further or keep it at that level. It had been all so uncertain.
Yet now, they had indeed managed to bring things further. Because when faced with uncertainty, nothing screams solution like diving headfirst into awkwardness.
Doing what he thought was the best at that moment, Shintaro managed to gather all his clothes from the heap on the floor, dress up quietly without waking Juri up, and tiptoe out the door.
As he entered the common area, he found Jesse and Kochi seated at the dining table, sipping their coffee. Jesse seemed surprisingly upbeat, while Kochi looked more calm.
"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" Jesse greeted Shintaro with a smile that seemed far too cheerful for the circumstances.
"It was fine," Shintaro replied hastily, attempting to brush off any further inquiry as he walked past the two. He opened the kitchen cabinet door and found himself a cup.
"Is Juri still asleep?" Kochi asked behind his back, to which Shintaro only shrugged indifferently as he poured some coffee for himself.
"Yeah, probably," Shintaro replied shortly.
Before Kochi could press further, Shintaro hastily turned to Hokuto, who was curled up on the small couch on the other side of the room.
"Wow, Hokuto, did you really manage to sleep there the whole night?" Shintaro asked loudly, hoping to shift the focus away from the uncomfortable topic as quickly as possible.
Hokuto let out a tired yawn as he shifted slightly. His sleepy eyes remained open only halfway.
"What?" Hokuto mumbled sleepily. The after-effects of the weed were clear, as he wasn't typically one to sleep in late. Usually, Hokuto would be the first one up with Kochi, ensuring their horses were fed, preparing breakfast for them, and checking their traps for any potential catch overnight.
"Where's Taiga, by the way?" Kochi went on.
Jesse gestured with his head towards the other side of the room, where a figure lay motionless, curled up under their winter jackets on the floor near the foyer. It looked uncomfortable, but perhaps Taiga had his reasons. After all, none of them had been particularly rational in their actions the previous night. At least everyone had managed to find somewhere to crash, even if it wasn't exactly the lap of luxury.
As the bedroom door opened and Juri appeared, Shintaro felt a knot of awkwardness tighten in his stomach.
Juri was now fully dressed, but his hair was still tousled, giving him a disheveled appearance. Shintaro did his best to avoid making eye contact with him, immediately turning his back to him as he pretended to be interested in the stuff inside the kitchen cabinet.
"Yesterday was so much fun!" Jesse exclaimed cheerfully to everyone, completely oblivious to the awkward vibes in the room. "So, what happened after I passed out? Did things get even crazier?"
"Absolutely nothing special, we went to sleep right after you," Shintaro said quickly.
Glancing nervously in Juri's direction, Shintaro was met with a nonchalant shrug and a blank expression.
The awkwardness hung in the air like a thick fog, suffocating any attempt at normalcy.
Not knowing how to address the tension, Shintaro opted for continuing avoidance, sidling over to sit next to Jesse, who was happily rambling on about the previous night's events. It was a welcome distraction from the uncomfortable atmosphere permeating the room.
Taiga finally stirred at the sounds around him, and he eventually lifted himself from his slouched position. He came to the group, being his usual quiet self, especially in the mornings, but now he was even more silent. He didn't say anything as Jesse shoved a glass of water in front of him and told him to drink.
"Everything okay, Taiga?" Kochi asked.
"Yeah, just a bit tired," Taiga replied quietly.
Jesse chuckled. "Your made bed looked like a torture device, man. Maybe next time just use Hokuto as your mattress!" he quipped, probably expecting laughter in response. However, the room remained eerily silent, and Jesse's attempt at humor fell flat, leaving him looking sheepish.
"I see. Sorry guys," Jesse hurriedly apologized, yet still chuckling a bit to himself. He patted Taiga's shoulder.
"That used to be my feeling after I smoked weed for the first time. It'll pass, I tell you! Go outside, all of you. It'll make you feel better."
"That's a great idea," Shintaro mumbled in agreement, trying to shake off the weight of Juri's gaze on him as he stood up. If Shintaro had lingered any longer, he might have noticed a hint of confusion and sadness in Juri's eyes. But for now, Shintaro was intent on following Jesse's advice and seeking solace in the fresh air outside.
"Hey, Hokuto," Shintaro walked to Hokuto. "Want to go out for a ride with me? The fresh air might indeed do us good."
Hokuto agreed with a nod, and they quickly excused themselves. Shintaro made a deliberate effort to avoid eye contact as he walked past Juri, hoping to emphasize his desire to sweep aside whatever had happened the previous night and move forward.
It was better not to dwell on it too much when it didn't mean anything, Shintaro reasoned to himself, attempting to quell the unease gnawing at him.
*****
As Shintaro and Hokuto saddled their horses and adjusted reins, they did that all in silence. It wasn't until they had mounted their horses and ventured deeper into the woods, far enough from their lodge, that Hokuto finally broke the silence.
Hokuto cleared his throat. "Um, Shintaro," he began awkwardly. Shintaro turned to look at him, surprised by the sudden attempt at conversation.
"Yeah?" Shintaro replied, his tone guarded, unsure of what Hokuto was about to say.
Hokuto hesitated momentarily as if he was trying to find the right words.
"Are you and Juri cool? I couldn't help but notice that little tension inside back there."
"Of course we're good," Shintaro said, attempting to sound as casual as possible. He forced a laugh, but it came out sounding hollow. "It was really good having some company for sleeping, you know?"
Shintaro hoped his words sounded convincing, but he knew Hokuto well enough to recognize that nothing escaped his observation.
Hokuto furrowed his brow.
"I see," he said slowly, his tone indicating that he wasn't entirely convinced.
Shintaro hesitated, unsure how to proceed. Finally, he decided to be honest with Hokuto, even though the words felt awkward and uncomfortable on his tongue.
"I must confess I don't remember everything that happened last night that clearly," he admitted. Surprisingly, it felt natural to admit that to Hokuto. "I mean, Juri and I might have kissed a couple of times last night--"
His sentence trailed off mid-way because he was unsure how Hokuto would react to that kind of revelation.
Hokuto's initial skepticism dissolved into a short laugh at Shintaro's admission.
"Couple of times, huh?" Hokuto asked, shaking his head. "Shintaro, you seriously don't remember, do you?"
"I, uh, I guess I really don't. You and Kyomo... witnessed that?" He cringed inwardly, dreading Hokuto's response.
"We really did," Hokuto said. "You and Juri... you two were practically eating each other's faces for at least 15 minutes right in front of us."
Shintaro's embarrassment deepened as he realized the whole kissing episode hadn't been as discreet as he had hoped.
"What do you think about all of that?"
Hokuto frowned again. "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you talk that through with Juri?"
Shintaro wanted to explain that earlier in the morning, his reasoning for not talking with Juri had been logical in his head. But now, he didn't know how to articulate that properly any longer. He kind of knew Hokuto was right.
"I just... I guess I'm trying to make sense of it all."
"Well, from where I'm standing, it seems like you and Juri have some unresolved stuff between you," Hokuto said. "And it's not my place to tell you what to do, but I think it would be best to talk to him about it. Clear the air, you know?"
Shintaro nodded, although Hokuto made it sound much easier than it would be. "Yeah, you're right. I'll... I'll talk to him. If he's willing to talk with me, that is."
Hokuto shrugged at that, and after that, they didn't really talk during the rest of their ride.
Shintaro looked around at the trees and the sunlight shining through them while Hokuto played with the reins of his horse. It was peaceful, with only the occasional sound of a bird singing.
A few hours later, they returned to the camp. The sun had started going down already as they got off their horses and walked them back to the shed. Kochi was outside by the fireplace, busy preparing food for everyone. He looked totally back to his usual self.
As they entered the cabin, they found Taiga and Jesse setting the table. Shintaro and Hokuto exchanged greetings with them before Juri appeared behind the corner and approached the group.
He turned to address Shintaro with a tone as if nothing unusual had happened.
"We found some spare parts, and I need to attach them to a couple of rifles. Want to come and help me?"
Shintaro shrugged. "Sure."
Shintaro trailed a bit behind Juri as they walked to the warehouse across the yard, his gaze fixed on Juri's back. He couldn't shake the feeling that things had apparently returned to somewhat normal, but there was still an underlying awkwardness. Was Juri now going to mention what happened last night? Did he want to talk about it? Did he even remember everything?
Juri broke the silence as he held the warehouse door open for Shintaro to enter.
"It's almost autumn," he said. "Jesse's been talking about fixing some of our electronic devices. I'm going to teach him soldering."
"Right. Cool."
As they placed their carryings on the table, Juri retrieved a couple of sights from the paper bag and instructed Shintaro to bring the rifles over.
"This one's a good fit for this rifle model," Juri explained, showing one of the sights to Shintaro. "We were lucky to find so many of them. Now we can equip all our weapons with sights."
Okay, so they really weren't going to talk about the previous night. Then again, as Shintaro thought it over, maybe there was nothing to discuss. They had all been acting foolishly and doing stupid shit under the influence of drugs.
But still, the way they were now acting around each other made Shintaro wonder if there was more to it. Was Juri just as embarrassed about what had happened as Shintaro was? Or was there something else going on?
As they attached the sights to the rifles, Juri casually passed the screwdriver to Shintaro at some point. Their conversation started with mundane topics like the weather until they reluctantly broached the subject of the upcoming autumn and the preparations needed for the cold winter ahead.
As they finished up and prepared to return to the others, Shintaro felt a need to address the weighing topic in his mind.
"Hey Juri, are we okay? Is everything alright between us?"
Juri turned to meet his gaze, his response coming a tad too quickly. "Of course, why wouldn't it be?"
Juri flashed a small smile, and while it looked friendly and normal, Shintaro couldn't pinpoint why it still looked kind of forced.
"We should get back," Juri changed the topic abruptly. "Dinner's probably ready soon."
As they walked back, Shintaro still felt a bit confused, but he followed Juri's lead inside. Maybe it was good not to bring up the possibly awkward talk again. Shintaro should just believe that they were okay.
At dinner, everyone seemed relaxed and all good. There was no mention of the previous night's events, as if they had mutually silently agreed to avoid the topic altogether. Shintaro couldn't help but wonder briefly if they all were just pretending everything was fine or were genuinely okay with each other. But he didn't dare to voice his thoughts, afraid to disrupt the fragile peace that had finally settled over them.
Sometimes, ignoring was the best choice.
*****
2 weeks later
As Shintaro's eyelids fluttered open, he found himself drenched in sweat, his heart pounding against his ribcage. Another nightmare. There had been quite many recently.
Shintaro had to take a good look around, and everything was as peaceful as always. He was safe, and everything was alright. Yet, he knew he wouldn't be able to drift back into sleep any longer.
With careful steps, he sneaked out of the bedroom, unwilling to disturb the others who were soundly asleep. Hokuto was the only one who stirred a little bit and turned around on his side, but he didn't seem to wake up.
As Shintaro came to the kitchen, he leaned against the counter, lost in thought.
Something small dropped in Shintaro's stomach as he glanced at the date on the calendar on the wall. It was always one month after his birthday that his family had gone missing. It had been years since they disappeared, but Shintaro still remembered the exact date.
He wasn't usually the one who would dwell in the past too much, nor worry about the future because he always thought that come what may. After all, he had no control over many things happening, but at least he could decide how to react to those things. Dwelling on the past wouldn't bring them back. All he could do now was carry on, hoping for closure but never truly expecting it.
Shintaro tried to remember his family.
It was kind of bittersweet that he really tried to remember them, but the years had made their memory more and more vague.
Shintaro remembered summer afternoons spent in the backyard of their old house, the scent of freshly cut grass in his nose mingling with the laughter of his siblings in his ears. His younger self, so carefree and so innocent, would chase after a colorful kite.
Their parents would smile at their children. His mother's voice had always been gentle, and that was the thing Shintaro remembered most clearly about her. While reminiscing about his father, he mostly remembered how safe it had felt when he had guided him with patient hands as they had launched the kite into the sky together.
For a fleeting moment, Shintaro could almost feel the warmth of their embrace. But as quickly as the memory came these days, it slipped away, leaving him empty.
Shintaro sighed. The years had really dimmed those memories. Sometimes, he wished he would feel sad, not just empty. It would have been easier.
Shintaro turned to look as he heard the door opening behind him. Juri appeared out of the room, rubbing his eyes.
"Hey," Juri said.
"Hey."
"Can't sleep?"
"Mm, something like that. Sorry if I woke you up. I tried to be quiet."
"Naah, it wasn't because of that," Juri shrugged. "Couldn't sleep that well either, I guess."
Juri studied Shintaro's expression, a flicker of concern crossing his features as he must have sensed the weight of Shintaro's thoughts. "Is something bothering you?" Juri ventured gently.
Shintaro hesitated, grappling with the urge to confide in him. But it was hard because he hardly knew how to put it into words, let alone figure out what was bothering him the most. And he wasn't sure if Juri was the right person to hear that. Shintaro still wasn't entirely sure if everything was alright between them, although the past weeks had gone smoothly and their conversations had pretty much turned back to normal. Then again, there hadn't been many situations when they had been spending time just the two of them, and Shintaro was pretty sure both of them had avoided such situations.
"It's just...," he began, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words.
"Just what?" Juri prompted.
"It's just another anniversary," Shintaro said. "Not the best memory. And it's ironic that it always happens one month after my birthday, so nowadays, each new year for me starts with such a thought."
He paused. "It's stupid, I know. I should be over it by now."
Juri hummed in contemplation, taking a moment as if he were thinking Shintaro's words before breaking the silence.
"Let's get out of here."
"What? It's nearly morning," Shintaro said, surprised by Juri's proposition. "And we still need to go hunting later today. You know, we need to get food."
"Just grab some clothes, and let's go," Juri insisted, pushing Shintaro's jacket towards him. "I have a surprise for you."
*****
Finally, they arrived at their destination.
Shintaro and Juri stood before the abandoned shopping mall. Its windows were dark, and the building looked old and falling apart. Shintaro couldn't help but suddenly feel another wave of emptiness when he saw it. It reminded him of the past when these places used to be bustling with life and energy. He also used to go to shopping malls with his family every other weekend.
Shintaro watched the building. He didn't understand what was the catch in Juri's plan. "Why here?"
Juri shrugged. "I've been here countless times," he explained. "I thought maybe it could give you some new memories to replace the old ones."
Perplexed, Shintaro peered at the dilapidated mall entrance. "What could possibly be so interesting inside?" he mused aloud.
"Just trust me," Juri replied cryptically. "Let's go and find out."
As they went down the escalator, now covered in plants, Shintaro and Juri walked through the empty mall. Every step they took made a loud echo in the quiet. Closed shops lined the hallways like forgotten memories.
Shintaro couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched, even though there was no one else around. Juri seemed more relaxed as he walked a few steps before Shintaro. He didn't seem to be worried at all.
At one point, Juri directed their attention to one of the stores with a metallic rolling door. He pointed at a gap above the door.
"Could you lift me up so I can crawl through that gap?" he requested, turning to Shintaro.
"Sure."
Shintaro clasped his hands together, creating a sturdy platform for Juri to step on. With a steady lift, Shintaro hoisted Juri upward, allowing him to grasp the edge and pull himself through the opening. Shintaro listened as Juri landed on the other side of the rolling door with a thud.
"What can you see?" Shintaro asked, but Juri remained silent.
"Juri?" Shintaro asked again.
As a faint click echoed from the other side, Shintaro seized the handle of the rolling door, pulling it open with a bone-chilling creak.
The inside of the store was even darker than the corridors of the shopping center. Shintaro reached into his backpack, pulled out a flashlight, and turned it on, shining its beam into the darkness.
"Juri?" Shintaro's voice wavered as he called out into the void, but there was no response, only the eerie silence of the abandoned store.
The store was full of interesting stuff, like costumes and toys for pranks. There were worn racks with colorful costumes hanging on them, from silly outfits to superhero clothes. The shelves held various toys and gadgets, like whoopee cushions and fake bugs, worn but still hinting at their past fun. Everything smelled old and moldy.
Out of nowhere, a figure clad in a clown mask leaped out, emitting a loud shriek that jolted Shintaro to his core.
"Shit!" Shintaro shouted in fright.
But the figure behind the mask dissolved quickly into familiar soft laughter, revealing the prankster as none other than Juri.
"You fucking jerk, that's not funny," Shintaro scolded, trying to catch his breath after the sudden scare.
Juri removed the mask, grinning. "Come on, Shintaro, wasn't that fun? Isn't this place cool?"
Shintaro glared at him. "I'm not in the mood for games. I thought you wanted to show me something, not scare me to death. You're the one who hates getting jump-scared, so that was a pretty low move from you."
Juri's grin faded, replaced by a look of genuine remorse. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that. Please, don't leave. I won't do it again, I promise."
"Fine, but no more surprises like that. Got it?"
Juri nodded. "Got it. Let's just explore together, okay?"
As they wandered further into the store, they passed by a cashier table that was now buried beneath a long grass.
Shintaro examined a glass jar filled with something that looked like eyeballs, labeled as candy. He let out an incredulous laugh. "People actually bought this kind of stuff willingly?"
Juri laughed at Shintaro's comment, glancing at the strange things on the shelves. "You'd be surprised," he said, sounding amused.
From the next shelf, Juri grabbed a rubber chicken and squeezed it, making it squawk loudly. Shintaro grabbed another one and pretended to talk to it, making Juri laugh.
Shintaro realized that it was a sincere laugh. They hadn't laughed together like that in a while. It felt somewhat sad at the same time, considering they used to laugh together over nothing and everything.
Suddenly, most of all, Shintaro felt relieved by such an observation. That they were still able to laugh together.
Maybe they were okay.
Then, they found some metallic cans labeled 'Snake-in-a-Can'. Shintaro shook one.
"You don't think there's a snake in here, right?" Juri asked.
Shintaro simply grinned. "Let's see!" he said, opening the can to reveal a toy snake that jumped out. They both laughed at the silly trick.
They kept exploring and found fake vomit and spilled drinks. Juri made a face. "Okay, now I'm also wondering who would seriously buy this kind of stuff. Seems like people in the past did have too much time on their hands."
They went on around another shelf.
"I have an idea," Juri said, pointing to a shelf stocked with some fragile-looking glass jars. "Let's throw bricks at those glass jars over there. You take the left shelf, I'll take the right one. The one who breaks all of them first wins!"
"But we would need a prize for the winner!"
"Of course. And I have an idea. The loser has to answer a question that the winner can ask. No sarcasm or jokes allowed."
"Is this a truth or truth?" Shintaro smirked. "But deal. Get ready to lose as I'm the brick master!"
Juri grinned as he picked up the first brick, eyeing the jars. "Let the game begin!"
Shintaro chuckled, grabbing a brick of his own.
"Ready, set, go!"
With a fast motion, they both hurled their bricks at the jars. Loud sounds echoed through the store as shards of glass scattered across the floor. Some jars shattered instantly, while others managed to withstand the assault.
Shintaro focused on his aim, trying to break as many jars as possible. He could hear Juri's chuckle and the sounds of breaking glass as they continued their impromptu competition.
After several minutes of intense throwing, Shintaro grinned triumphantly as he shattered the last jar in front of him.
"Looks like I win!" he declared, glancing at Juri's two remaining intact jars and raising his arms triumphantly.
Juri chortled good-naturedly, conceding defeat.
"I give up. Well done, Shintaro. You really are the brick master."
"Alright, time for the question," Shintaro said, wiping his hands on his pants.
"Ask away."
Shintaro paused, considering his question carefully. He could go on with something mellow, but then again, there were so many things he had no idea about Juri. And they had agreed that there should be no jokes on this one. Finally, he opened his mouth.
"What's the worst thing that ever happened to you?"
Maybe that was a bit inappropriate to ask, Shintaro thought immediately.
Juri fell silent for a moment, his expression slightly somber. But then his face lightened a bit.
"Oh, it was when I escaped the quarantine zone and stumbled upon an abandoned house full of infected," he explained. "It was stupid and dangerous, I get it now. I nearly got myself killed."
That wasn't exactly the answer Shintaro was expecting. He wanted to point out that he didn't ask about the most dangerous thing Juri had experienced, but he decided not to start going about it. He realized that there was clearly more to the story, but he didn't want to pry further.
"Let's keep moving," Juri said, gesturing for Shintaro to follow as he led the way out of the store.
Juri navigated through the dark corridors with ease. Shintaro followed closely behind, his dim flashlight casting eerie shadows along the walls.
The whole place clearly wasn't foreign to Juri. He must have brought many people there with him before.
Who, Shintaro could only wonder.
*****
Eventually, they reached another door, and as Juri pushed it open, they stepped into a room illuminated by a single fluorescent light. In the corner of the room stood a power switch panel, its buttons, and switches gleaming faintly.
"Turned out that this suburb does have some power," Juri explained as he opened the lid of the panel. "They just flip the circuit breakers off. Sick power-hungry fuckers, like I've been telling you... But all we need is to flip the breaker back."
"Huh, there's no way this is going to work," Shintaro said as he approached the panel. He took a grip of the breaker and flipped it upwards.
The lights suddenly flickered to life in the room, flooding it with a harsh brightness. Both of them instinctively shielded their eyes from the sudden light. Then Shintaro snickered from the satisfaction while Juri joined him with a soft chuckle.
"See? he said. "What did I tell you? Alright, let's go!"
"Wait," Shintaro said. "So, the whole mall was lit up, or what?"
"As I said, let's go," Juri replied with a grin, already turning to leave the room.
They returned to the double doors, where they could see more light filtering through the small milk-glass windows.
"You ready?" Juri asked.
"Totally."
Juri swung the doors open, and the corridors were now indeed lit up. A couple of lights were off, but the whole space looked so bright. It almost resembled how it used to be years ago, just needed to imagine all the people bustling around the mall and ignore the growing grass and mold everywhere.
Shintaro was a bit speechless, and Juri seemed to be too, although he must have seen it before.
They marveled at the ceiling, the colorful advertisements, and the display windows around them. The lights really seemed to breathe life back into the deserted corridors.
"Shouldn't we be worried that FEDRA soldiers might spot this being all lit up?" Shintaro voiced his concern.
"Nah," Juri said. "The exterior lights don't work anyway. They're not expecting anyone to come poking around in here."
"How do you know?"
Juri only shrugged at that, indicating that there was no need or point for Shintaro to try to pry more. It was a familiar dynamic between them. In fact, it was something that all six of them kept doing. The five others never tried prying into Shintaro's affairs, and in return, Shintaro refrained from probing into theirs.
As they walked towards the plaza area of the mall, they encountered a giant colorful carousel in the center.
"Hey, look at that! How fancy," Juri remarked, eyeing the carousel.
"Should we give it a try?" Shintaro suggested.
Juri shot him a look, but Shintaro persisted.
"Come on, you said it yourself that no one expects us to be here. It must be safe. When was the last time either of us got to go to an amusement park and ride a carousel?"
Juri laughed at that. "Alright, if you insist," he agreed.
"I do!"
They ran to the vehicle, and Shintaro tossed his backpack onto the ground next to the control panel. He eagerly climbed onto the white horse with a golden saddle and red reins.
Meanwhile, Juri fumbled with the control panel, trying to figure out how to start the carousel.
"You ready?" he asked Shintaro after a moment of tinkering.
Shintaro eagerly nodded and gave a thumbs-up. With a flick of the switch, the carousel came to life, its colorful lights flashing and music filling the air. Shintaro couldn't help but giggle in excitement as he clung to the reins, feeling the faint whiff against his face as the vehicle moved.
As the carousel whirled around, Shintaro's horse brought him back to where Juri stood by the control panel. With a wide grin, Shintaro turned to him and waved his hand.
"Come on, join me! It's fun!"
Juri chuckled briefly but followed Shintaro's request, hopping onto the moving carousel. He chose the horse next to Shintaro's and climbed onto it.
Shintaro turned to offer a happy grin to Juri, who returned it with a shy smile.
At that very moment, it felt like they were on a still scene in a world untouched by the infected. Kind of like a date Shintaro had only seen in movies or read about in old comics and books.
Shintaro hadn't felt bitter about the world for a very long time, if ever. But the flashing thought of him and Juri potentially living in a world from before hit somewhere.
For a moment, Shintaro let himself think about a different life—a life where they could wander freely without worrying about danger. In this world, they could walk through the mall together, maybe getting some curious looks from people passing by. They could talk about the future, their wishes, fears, plans. They could explore new places, try new foods, and get to know each other in some other way.
They could just hold hands without any fear of tomorrow's threats.
Shintaro could introduce Juri to his mother.
They could have a potential future together.
But in the end, it was all about could, would, what if. In the end, this was their reality. Shintaro knew that, despite his imagination, their world was shaped by the pandemic and the infection. And he couldn't ignore the fact that without the pandemic, he might never have crossed paths with Juri.
Juri broke Shintaro out of his reverie.
"What are you thinking about?"
Shintaro shrugged. "Nothing special. Just... us. How the six of us is what matters most to me. For me, it's the last remain of the family and friends. The last of us."
"Didn't know you were such a sap, Shintaro."
Shintaro leaned over his horse to nudge Juri's arm playfully.
"Hey, don't make fun of me."
Juri's eyes were twinkling. "Can't help it. It's too easy."
Shintaro cocked his head slightly. "Are you drunk?"
Juri shook his head, but then he reached for his backpack and pulled out a half-empty bottle of whiskey.
"Not yet," he replied with a grin, holding up the bottle victoriously.
Juri deftly snapped the cork out with his teeth and took a swig from the bottle before offering it to Shintaro. Shintaro raised an eyebrow.
"Are we really going to get drunk here?"
Juri chuckled and shook his head. "Nah, just a couple of sips won't do any harm."
Shintaro hummed before taking a small sip from the bottle. The liquid had a bitter taste, but as it flowed down his throat, it warmed his stomach pleasantly. Everything at that moment felt good. Sitting in that flashy carousel, surrounded by music and lights, the experience of sharing a drink with Juri felt very good indeed.
As they sipped on the whiskey, Shintaro felt a cozy warmth settle within them. He turned to look at Juri again and couldn't help but notice the way his big beautiful eyes sparkled in the bright light. The alcohol had made its effect quickly on him because he felt himself being a bit braver.
"You know," Shintaro began, "I've always thought there's something about carousel rides that made people want to include them in all those music videos and movies in the past."
"What do you mean?" Juri asked, not catching it clearly.
Shintaro chuckled softly. "I mean, think about it. There's always that romantic scene in old Japanese movies where the couple shares a moment on a carousel. The lights, the music—it's all so enchanting."
"Oh, do you feel like we're in an old Japanese movie?" Juri leaned forward, resting his elbow on Shintaro's horse, his cheek against his hand.
"A little bit," Shintaro replied, mimicking the action and bringing his elbow to rest on Juri's horse.
Suddenly, he became acutely aware of how close they were.
"Yeah," Juri replied, his voice suddenly very soft. Shintaro wasn't sure what he was talking about any longer. "It's like a perfect backdrop."
Shintaro's gaze dropped to Juri's lips. His heart was suddenly drumming, like it wanted to escape through his ribs.
Shintaro wanted to kiss Juri so badly.
Their faces drew closer, and their lips were just a breath away from touching. Shintaro's heart kept racing wildly, and he could feel the heat of Juri's breath against his mouth.
But just as their lips were about to meet, the carousel abruptly jolted to a stop, the music halting along with it.
Startled, they both pulled back.
Juri let out a nervous cough, his gaze darting away from Shintaro's.
"Um, maybe we should, uh, get going," he suggested hurriedly, his voice slightly strained as he hopped off the horse.
It was ridiculous, Shintaro thought, being that affected by Juri being so close to him. Not even a proper touch. Just a brief moment.
He really wasn't over what had happened between them.
*****
"Hey look, there's a photobooth, and it's on!" Juri exclaimed, pointing excitedly towards the small booth tucked into the corner of another corridor. "We're so going to do this!"
Juri held the curtain open so Shintaro could step inside the cramped photobooth, joining him as they stood side by side. Together, they peered at the screen, which showed a blinking "Start" text and three flashing buttons below it.
"How does this thing even work?" Juri asked.
"I guess we'll just follow the instructions," Shintaro replied, reaching out to press one of the buttons. The screen displayed three adorable bunny icons which were labeled "love," "friends," and "cool."
"Which one should we pick?"
"What does 'cool' mean? Those bunnies don't look cool at all," Juri remarked, pointing at the bunny pair sporting sunglasses. They looked more comical than cool.
"Of course they're cool!" Shintaro exclaimed. "They're wearing shades, and that's more than cool!"
"Whatever you say!"
They chose the "cool" option, and the screen began a countdown.
"Oh wow wow wow, it's starting already! Quick, let's make funny faces!" Juri urged.
With a grin, Juri stuck out his tongue while Shintaro crossed his eyes, both aiming for the goofiest expressions they could muster. There was a sound of the shutter and a bright flash.
"Sexy pose! Oooooh, so sexy!" Juri exclaimed, followed by Shintaro striking a pose with a playful smirk. Another shutter sound and a bright flash.
"Let's do horror poses! Something creepy! Like the infected!"
"Closer, closer!"
"Squishy face!"
They kept shouting ideas, one after another, laughing all the while. Shintaro couldn't help but feel like his face must look weird in all the photos.
Finally, Juri threw an arm around Shintaro's shoulder and flashed a peace sign at the camera lens.
"Now, something normal for the end," Juri said, and Shintaro copied him with a peace sign. They looked straight into the camera, both smiling brightly. When the ready picture flashed on the screen, that was by far the best picture ever captured of them. Not like they had many before, Shintaro realized quickly.
"These ones are great," Juri marveled aloud as the screen displayed a collage of all their photos taken. He pressed the 'Next' button, and the screen flashed with another text. Share on LINE? ^^
"What's... LINE?" Shintaro asked.
"I don't know, maybe it's just asking us if we want to print them in a vertical line?"
Shintaro shrugged and went on to press the "skip" button, and then the screen announced that it was printing. However, an error message soon appeared. "Printer out of order, try again," the screen displayed. Juri pressed the "Retry" button, but the same error message persisted. Juri punched the screen with his fist. Yet, the error message remained.
Juri punched the screen a bit harder until suddenly, there was a flash of blue light, and the entire screen turned completely off.
Juri turned to look at Shintaro sheepishly.
"Whoops, I think I just broke it."
Shintaro burst into amused laughter, and Juri couldn't help but join him.
"Yup, you really did!"
Their laughter gradually faded, leaving a silence that enveloped them in the dimly lit booth. Juri turned to look at Shintaro, the atmosphere suddenly reminiscent of their moment on the carousel.
"So," they both started simultaneously, sharing another chuckle. The laughter tapered off quickly, though.
Juri turned to look at him, and Shintaro was certain Juri's gaze lingered on his lips some time before continuing.
"So," Juri began again, "do you want to keep exploring?"
"Absolutely," Shintaro replied.
Without saying a word, Juri turned around, pulling open the curtain for them to exit.
*****
The entrance at the end of the corridor had signs showing that there would be a planetarium. Passing through the main doors, they stepped into the vast space. Positioned in the center of this hall stood a model rocket, which captured Shintaro's attention immediately. He couldn't contain his excitement as he approached it. He let out an excited sound as he swung the door of the rocket open.
Juri came next to him. There was an amused look on his face.
"Whoa, hold on a minute," Juri said, stopping Shintaro from climbing in by touching his arm softly. "If you're going to the space, you need a helmet first."
Shintaro chuckled at that, nodding in agreement.
"You're right, what was I thinking!" he said, heading to a nearby shelf lined with different space helmet options.
He grabbed one, fitting it snugly over his head. "This is awesome," Shintaro muttered to himself, admiring his reflection in the visor of the other helmet.
"After you," Juri then gestured in front of the rocket, and Shintaro climbed in.
The interior of the rocket was cramped, with only two seats positioned in a reclined position. Undeterred by the tight quarters, Shintaro squeezed himself into one of the seats.
"What the heck," Shintaro marveled aloud in awe. Everything looked so fascinating.
Juri crawled after Shintaro and came to lie on the seat next to him.
"Would you look at all these buttons," Juri said, pointing out at the panel in front of them. "That's so badass."
"It surely is!"
They fell quiet, simply gazing at the planetarium's countless buttons, the ceiling, and the big window in front of them.
Suddenly, Juri signaled for Shintaro to wait, and Shintaro turned to see him reach into his jacket's inner pocket. Juri took out a cassette tape.
"Happy late birthday," he said quietly, handing Shintaro the tape. "I'm sorry I didn't give you anything earlier."
"What's that?" Shintaro asked. He couldn't believe Juri had remembered his birthday with such a special present.
"This is something that took a mighty effort to find, so you'd better fucking appreciate it. Take it."
Shintaro grinned as he took the cassette tape from Juri's hand. Then, he dug into his bag and pulled out a walkman. It wasn't something he used often, but Kochi had given it to him and taught him how to use it. While the sound quality wasn't as good as CDs or DVDs, it was reliable, unlike players with difficulties playing discs that possibly had scratches.
Shintaro removed the helmet and inserted the earphones into his ears. He glanced at Juri, seeking a silent confirmation. Juri responded with a simple nod. Shintaro then handed one of the earphones to Juri, who accepted it without a word and placed it in his ear. The cord of the earphones hung between them, connecting them silently.
Shintaro pushed the play button and placed his crossed hands on his chest.
As the cassette tape began to play, a male voice crackled through the earphone.
"Mission control, this is Alpha-1. All systems are ready for launch. I repeat, all systems are ready for launch."
Shintaro closed his eyes as he listened to the recording. It felt like they were really about to go to space.
"Copy that, Alpha-1," another voice responded over the intercom. "Prepare for the launch sequence."
Shintaro let out a small 'whoa' sound.
"Engaging thrusters in T-minus thirty seconds," the voice announced.
Shintaro's reached out. His hand found Juri's.
"Ten... nine... eight..."
The countdown began, and each number made him more excited.
"Seven... six... five..."
Shintaro's grip tightened on Juri's hand.
"Four... three... two..."
Shintaro's breath caught in his throat as he awaited the final countdown.
"One..."
And then, with a loud boom, it felt as if the rocket was really taking off into space. Shintaro listened carefully, listening to the powerful engines rumbling and all the other voices of the space rocket traveling to his ear. For a moment, he imagined they were leaving Earth and everything there behind, flying through space. He opened his eyes.
Shintaro and Juri remained seated as the recording ended, hands still clasped. Until Shintaro let Juri's hand go in order to press the "stop" button. They both removed the earphones from their ears.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
"What do you think happened to the people up there? After the infection?" Juri finally broke the silence.
Shintaro looked at him with furrowed brows before following Juri's gaze toward the window displaying the serene space scenery.
"The astronauts. In space," Juri clarified, gesturing toward the artificial stars that were illustrated in the simulated sky.
"Oh, right."
He pondered the question for a moment, his mind drifting to the vastness of space and the unknown fate of those who once had traversed its expanse. Those who had been far away from Earth when the pandemic had started.
"I'm not sure," Shintaro finally replied. "Maybe they received some warning, an emergency signal from Earth or something. Maybe they could watch the news. But beyond that... it's hard to imagine."
Juri's expression darkened, his fingers tapping anxiously against the back of his hand. "It's so sad," he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper.
Shintaro glanced over at him, noting the somberness in Juri's tone.
"Yeah, it is," Shintaro agreed quietly. "But sometimes, I think it's better not to dwell on the worst possibilities. Maybe they found a way back at least and saw their families for the last time." Most probably they didn't.
"I know they've probably been gone for a long time and floating dead in the space," Juri said. "But sometimes... I can't help but imagine that they're still alive out there. Traveling through the cosmos, discovering new worlds, maybe encountering aliens... It sounds foolish, I know, but it's a comforting thought."
Shintaro listened intently. The wistful longing in Juri's voice somehow made him have a lump in his throat. He didn't want Juri to think it was pointless to stay hopeful.
"It's not foolish," he replied softly, reaching out to lay a reassuring hand on Juri's arm. "Sometimes, hope is all we have to hold onto."
"Yeah, maybe you're right," Juri murmured.
Sitting there, Shintaro thought about his own words and he realized that he did believe in them. In that messed-up world, hope was like the only light in the dark. It kept them going when everything else was falling apart. Despite the fragility of human existence and the unpredictable nature of the universe, hope was something he could rely on.
Even if it sometimes seemed dumb to hope, they all needed it.
"I hate the infected. I fear them, you know," Juri continued. "I fear becoming one of them. Do you think there's any part of them that's still human?"
It was a difficult question. But not something that Shintaro hadn't thought of many times before.
"To be honest, I don't think so."
"But what if they're still there somehow? What if they're just trapped?"
"I have a feeling that once they're infected, they're gone because they're not themselves any longer."
"Mmh. That's what I always thought, but it still makes me wonder... at times... You know, my mother used to keep telling me that they've 'moved on to be with their families again'. But I was always doubting that. What do you think about it?"
Shintaro had never been sure of the afterlife. He understood the need for hope and consolation, but in the end, the idea of the afterlife had never given him that.
"Maybe I'm not believing in that," he admitted slowly.
"Yeah," Juri agreed, then adding another quiet, "yeah."
That told a lot more than many other words could.
*****
"We should head back soon," Shintaro said. The night was wearing on, and they didn't have many hours left before the sun would start rising. The others would be worried if they woke up and noticed two of them missing.
But Juri stopped him, touching his arm. "Wait, there's one more place I want to go."
"Where?"
"Follow me."
Once again, Shintaro was the one following as Juri led the way through the corridors to the fifth floor of the mall. Eventually, they arrived at a worn store with a faded sign that read 'Vinyl Haven'. The dirty windows were lined with dusty records and CDs.
"Record shop, huh?" Shintaro's grin widened, intrigued.
"Yeah, thought it'd be cool. Plus, I've got one more surprise up my sleeve. Promise, this is the last one."
As they stepped into the record shop, Shintaro couldn't help but notice how it used to be cozy for sure, years ago. Now, like everything else, it seemed frozen in time, with dusty shelves towering high with records and CDs. The air was thick with the scent of aging paper, and the floorboards groaned under their weight as they walked through the narrow aisles. Faded posters of once-famous musicians were hanging on the walls, all their faces unfamiliar to Shintaro. Despite its neglect, there was a certain charm to the place, as if it held the memories of all who had once passed through its doors.
Juri stopped by the cashier counter.
"Hey, close your eyes for a second," he said.
"What's the deal?" Shintaro asked.
With a chuckle, Juri held up his hands. "No pranks, no clown masks, I promise."
After a brief pause, Shintaro complied, closing his eyes with a soft laugh. "Alright, I'll go along with it."
Shintaro heard Juri moving around, making some noises, but he couldn't quite figure out what was happening. After a moment, Juri's voice broke through.
"Okay, you can open your eyes now," he said.
At first, everything seemed normal, except for the string of Christmas lights that Juri had switched on, there was now a warm glow around the shop. Shintaro glanced around, taking in the cozy ambiance. But then he noticed Juri standing near the cashier, next to a CD player.
"Listen to this."
The soft strumming of a guitar filled the air. Even though they had several cassette tape players and even a DVD player at home, the speakers in the shop were way better. The music filled up the whole place, surrounding them with its sound.
It was a foreign song, with a deep male voice crooning through the speakers.
Juri took Shintaro's hands and pulled him to the center of the shop, where there was more space. "Come on, we're here to dance! Can't have a birthday without a good party!"
Shintaro loved dancing, moving around and being active, and he didn't have to be told twice before he started moving along the rhythm. Mostly, it was surprising to see Juri that wild as well since had never expressed his interest in dancing. But maybe this was another way of his making Shintaro happy as he probably knew how much Shintaro loved doing it.
Juri giggled as Shintaro twirled him around under his arm, then brought him back into a circle of his arms, swaying to the beat. They spun around, hopping to the rhythm until they were both dizzy.
When the song ended, Shintaro's face hurt from smiling so much. Juri was wheezing beside him, trying to catch his breath between giggles.
"You know," he said between breaths, "I need to catch up with your energy. You're too good."
"Haha," Shintaro replied, his voice softening. "Maybe we can do this sometime someday again, and I'll teach you?"
"I'd like that."
All of a sudden, Shintaro wanted to express his gratitude. Juri had really been thinking about making the night memorable, and Shintaro realized he hadn't really dwelled on thinking about too many sad memories.
"Thank you, Juri," he managed to say. "I've had a good night."
Juri's face turned more serious. "You're welcome."
"I want you to know that I mean it."
"I think this was the least of making it up for what I did."
Shintaro's brows furrowed. He still didn't understand why Juri thought he should be the one apologizing and why he thought he had been acting wrong in any way.
Another song started, this time a slow one. The female singer was singing in English, maybe something about love. Juri cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair shyly.
"Sorry," he mumbled and then cleared his throat again. "I—I just—I um—well, I wondered if you'd wanna dance to this one too." He paused. "With me, I mean."
The butterflies in Shintaro's stomach soared. "Sure," he said with a nod, and the furrowing of his brow disappeared, replaced by the slightest smile.
Juri offered his hand, and Shintaro took it.
Juri led them out to the floor area between the shelves. Shintaro slid his hands down to Juri's waist and tried his best to ignore just how much he liked being that close to him. They started swaying along to the music, being silent for a good while before Juri was the first one to speak.
"I want to confess something."
Suddenly Shintaro was afraid of what was coming up.
"I've made many mistakes. And I have big regrets."
That stung, and Shintaro didn't hide it fast enough. He swallowed, but Juri's arm around him tightened.
"You've never been one of them," he continued softly. "Anything I've done with you, I've never regretted that."
Shintaro withdrew from Juri slightly so that he could look at his face. Was it really--
"That's it. Just wanted you to know that. I like you."
It's as if within those words something moved inside Shintaro. It was funny really. At the same time, he felt like a rock had been lifted from his heart, but at the same time, he felt like his heart was suddenly pounding lighter yet faster.
"I've... also made many mistakes," Shintaro stuttered. "And I admit, when we... woke up in that room after the weed smoking, I panicked. My initial thought was that I had made a huge mistake."
Juri didn't say anything to that but stayed close to Shintaro, letting his hand stay on his waist.
"What a stupid thought, really," Shintaro hurried to say. "It was so stupid, and it was even more stupid that I escaped and didn't come to talk to you. You must have been confused. But I seriously want you to know I wasn't ashamed of what happened. I was ashamed of myself for not remembering. I was ashamed of doing something that had possibly crossed the line that I shouldn't have."
"But you didn't."
"Still, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry as well."
"And I like you too, Juri. So much."
Their swaying halted, although the song was still playing in the background.
Juri looked into Shintaro's eyes.
Shintaro had never wanted anyone to kiss him as much as he wanted Juri to kiss him right there.
Maybe it was finally time to do what he wanted.
So he leaned in and captured Juri's lips with his own.
Juri froze a little bit instantly but melted just as quickly, catching Shintaro by the shoulders. Shintaro's mouth parted with a sharp, stuttering breath as Juri licked his lips tentatively. Their tongues met. The kiss was hard and hot and lasted only a few seconds before Shintaro was wrenching away, gasping and his pulse crashing in his ears.
"Wow," Juri uttered aloud with a gasp.
"Wow," Shintaro agreed.
Yet, they didn't have time to continue the discussion because Juri leaned forward to take Shintaro's face between his hands and kiss him again. Shintaro gasped and let go of Juri's waist just to bring his hands to Juri's wrist to keep them in place. Juri's hands felt so good on his face, one thumb stroking the thin skin beneath his ear.
"I... want you," Shintaro mumbled against Juri's lips. He hadn't wanted anything as much as that for a long time. Juri hissed at his words, and the reaction turned into a moan as Shintaro moved to his neck and placed kisses on it. Juri let out another moan as Shintaro's bottom lip kept catching wetly on his skin.
Shintaro kept kissing and licking Juri's neck until Juri's fingers found their way under Shintaro's shirt.
Juri's fingers felt cool against Shintaro's skin, but it only seemed to make his skin feel hotter. It was different from their previous night together, where everything had been hazy and dulled by intoxication. Now, every touch felt sharp, hotter in all ways.
Shintaro pressed himself closer to Juri's body, his hand lowering between them until it met Juri's crotch.
"You're hard," he breathed out, feeling Juri inhale sharply in response.
As Shintaro began to rub him through his pants, Juri's breaths deepened, turning into low, almost guttural groans. With his other hand, Shintaro trailed his palm down Juri's chest, pausing to thumb at the hardened nipple just visible through his shirt.
It was Juri's turn to press his mouth to the curve of Shintaro's jaw. He kept nibbling at it eagerly, his low groans escaping between.
At some point, Juri managed to shift his hands between them. He opened Shintaro's pants slowly, the zipper coming down and flaps pushed away. Shintaro's cock was hard and leaking already when Juri fished his hand inside his underpants, taking it properly out into his grasp.
Shintaro's desire kept swelling, an urgent need pulsating through him. He pushed and guided them gently backward until Juri's back met the edge of the counter, pressing him against it firmly and then catching his lips again. Juri grabbed Shintaro's ass with both hands so that their crotches were rubbing against each other.
As Shintaro broke the kiss briefly, his hands moved to open Juri's pants, the zipper sliding down with a soft rasp.
After some fumbling, Juri's cock bounced out, visible for a split moment, before Juri wrapped his legs around Shintaro's waist, arms around his shoulders. He nipped a kiss into Shintaro's neck, trapping their erections between them. Shintaro could feel the wetness from Juri's tip smearing on his own dick.
Breaking away once again, Juri's hands moved to remove Shintaro's shirt, lifting it over his head. But Shintaro desired to see Juri shirtless as well. With a gesture, he encouraged Juri to remove his shirt too, which Juri complied with.
They stared at each other for a moment. Shintaro couldn't decide which part of Juri's newly exposed skin to touch first. His fingers traced a path across Juri's shoulders, collarbones, and the small hollow where his neck met his collarbones, before moving down to his ribcage. The desire to touch him consumed him completely.
"Let's go... there... to the backroom?" Juri suggested, breaking the silence.
Shintaro simply nodded. "Do you have-?"
"Yeah, I've got some vaseline in my bag."
Juri went to his bag to fish out a small metallic can, and Shintaro followed his every move almost without blinking. It was one of the most erotic scenes he had ever witnessed.
Leaving their shirts and bags discarded on the floor, Juri led them deeper inside the store until they reached a small room with a couch in the corner. Juri walked over to the couch and sat down while Shintaro stayed standing a few meters before him. They stared at each other straight in the eye, both breathing heavily.
Without breaking eye contact and with a slight lift of his hips, Juri began to slide his pants down, followed by his shoes and underwear, until he was completely naked.
Shintaro watched him intently, his gaze never wavering from Juri's. Then, Shintaro bent forward to remove his own shoes first, stepping out of them one by one. Maintaining eye contact with Juri, Shintaro let his pants drop to his ankles, followed by his underwear, until he stood naked before him.
"Come here."
Shintaro stepped forward, and Juri beckoned him to sit, patting his thighs. Shintaro settled between Juri's legs to sit on his lap, gently taking his face between his hands once more and just taking a look at him. As he moved a small strand of hair behind Juri's ear, he couldn't help but marvel at how absolutely stunning Juri looked. Shintaro couldn't believe he hadn't seen it all along before since their very first meeting. Juri's eyes were big and gentle, looking right at Shintaro.
Shintaro leaned in and kissed him. Their kiss deepened, and Shintaro's tongue found its way into Juri's mouth, prompting a sweet moan coming from Juri. The sound sent a thrill through Shintaro.
Juri ran his other hand over Shintaro's back, trailing from his shoulders down to his sides, then to his hips until it reached Shintaro's buttock and eventually the crack there. Shintaro melted into the touch, his body soft and pliant under Juri's caress.
Shintaro felt as if he had already surrendered himself to the abyss of want.
Juri's hands left him for a moment, and Shintaro could hear him opening a can behind his back and then slicking his fingers.
Then, he felt it—a gentle pressure as Juri's finger pressed against his entrance, seeking a way in. Shintaro moaned, his body tensing slightly before relaxing into the touch and Juri's finger sliding in.
Shintaro arched his back, urging Juri to continue with soft, desperate pleas.
As Juri added the second finger, Shintaro's urgency grew, his body rocking urgently against Juri's hand as he fucked himself on his fingers.
"Fuck, Shintaro," Juri moaned, desire noticeable in his voice as he scissored his fingers, stretching Shintaro even more.
"Come on," Shintaro moaned in response, and Juri didn't need further encouragement. He removed his fingers.
Shintaro lowered himself onto Juri's cock, helping guide it inside with his hand by taking a grip of the base. Once Juri's dick was fully inside, Juri wrapped his other arm around Shintaro's armpit and took a firm grip on his sweaty shoulder. With his free hand, Juri grasped Shintaro's ass, holding him in place as Shintaro began to move on top of him.
Their movements synchronized effortlessly as they found their rhythm.
Unable to hold back any longer, Shintaro picked up speed, his movements becoming more frantic as he chased his release. Juri matched his fervor, his thrusts growing sharper and more urgent.
Shintaro's entire body was clenching down on the cock buried deep inside him. Then, with a sudden rush of ultimate pleasure, he came, his release surprising him. For a few seconds, as he spilled out his semen between their stomachs, there was nothing else in the world but the pounding heat in his head and the warmth that surrounded him completely.
Juri kept thrusting a few more times, but Shintaro's orgasm most likely did something that didn't take too long until he also came. As Juri spilled his release inside Shintaro, he bit down on his lower lip to muffle himself.
Shintaro shifted, moving from Juri's lap to sit beside him. With a comforting arm around Juri's shoulder, he drew him close, their bodies fitting snugly together. Juri nestled his head under Shintaro's chin.
Shintaro planted a soft kiss on the crown of Juri's head, his fingers tenderly tracing patterns through his hair.
"I swear I didn't plan this," Juri murmured softly against his ear.
"Would it make you feel better if I said that I didn't plan this either, but I did wish it to happen?" Shintaro said.
"Then I'd say as well that I wish this would happen as well."
*****
Juri had one more trick up his sleeve. He found a couple of blankets from the backroom so they didn't have to put their clothes on but get wrapped around the blankets. He then led them through a ladder to the next floor of the store. It was a small wooden-paneled room, more like a backroom of the backroom, filled with stacks of vinyl records. A small roof window let in a faint glow of light from the night sky outside.
Juri asked Shintaro to lie down as he went to turn off the lights of the shop. Then, he opened the roof window, and they could see the starry sky above them.
Juri came to lie down next to Shintaro, and Shintaro opened his blanket slightly. Following suit, Juri adjusted his own blanket so that their naked bodies were entangled, finding comfort and warmth in each other's embrace while their blankets enveloped them snugly.
As they lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, they gazed up at the starry sky through the small roof window. Their fingers brushed as they pointed out stars and constellations they could spot.
Shintaro grabbed Juri's hand entirely into his and brought their entwined hands close to his chest. Close to his heart.
"You asked me what's the worst thing that ever happened to me," Juri suddenly began, his gaze fixed on the dark sky. "And I wasn't entirely honest with you. It came all too sudden, so I came up with a made story."
Shintaro felt a pang of concern at Juri's words. "You don't have to tell me," he said quietly.
But Juri shook his head. "No, really, I want you to know this."
And so, Juri began to recount the tale of his past. He told how he had left his hometown in a rush when everything had been in chaos since the pandemic started. FEDRA had deceived the people of his hometown all along, claiming to be searching for the infection route and taking them all into the quarantine zone to be safe. But it had been all a lie. In truth, FEDRA had decided to slaughter the entire city, as there had been a few infected individuals, and they couldn't trace the infection route any longer.
In that chaos, Juri's parents, his three brothers, and his oldest brother's entire family had been left behind. They had all promised to meet Juri and one of his older brothers at the quarantine zone.
"We lost them on the way," Juri said. "Until this day, I have no records of what really happened to them."
So it had ended up being just Juri and his only remaining older brother.
"From that on, we were always together," Juri said. "He promised he would never leave me. And I promised him the same."
The brothers had thought meeting the rebellious group Fireflies had been a stroke of luck for them. The Fireflies were vehemently opposed to FEDRA and their oppressive rules, advocating for resistance and fighting back against tyranny.
"Too bad it had soon turned out that they were just as bad if not worse than FEDRA," Juri continued. He kept going within his story. Instead of fighting for justice, the Fireflies had been driven by their own thirst for power and violence. Juri had witnessed their methods as harsh and cruel as he had always hated about FEDRA. After all, Fireflies had never hesitated to harm innocent people to achieve their goal of ruling out FEDRA.
"But it took way too long before my brother and I realized this. We trusted them way too long," Juri said.
He uttered a bitter laugh.
"There was a bunch of us. Someone had the brilliant idea of entering the city. Look for supplies. But then those fuckers--they betrayed us. They didn't need or want us. So they set a trap."
There was a painful sound in Juri's tone as he kept going with the story. He described the moment when two infected had emerged out of nowhere to their shelter.
"We managed to kill them," Juri said, his voice now trembling. "But my brother... he got badly wounded. First bitten by the clicker in his leg. And his arms were so damaged that he couldn't hold a gun anymore."
Juri's voice became quieter and quieter as continued telling how his brother had looked at him with eyes filled with pain and resignation and had asked him to do what was needed. Shintaro held his hand tighter without saying anything.
"We had made a promise," Juri said. "A solemn vow, that we wouldn't turn into infected. We'd rather die than become one of them."
"I don't understand. Why would you do that?" Shintaro couldn't help asking.
"It was the least we thought we could do for the other people in this world," Juri replied with resolve. "We couldn't bear the thought of becoming a threat to others, spreading the infection and causing any more suffering. So we made a pact to do something for this humanity, to do something for those left behind."
Shintaro didn't say anything to that but let Juri continue.
"He looked at me... and I could see it in his eyes. He didn't even have to ask me..."
He paused.
"I wanted to fight, to argue, to tell him that there had to be another way. But... but there wasn't. We both knew it."
He sighed heavily, the weight of his sorrow pressing down on him like a leaden weight.
"So I did what he asked. I... I did what was needed. I had to keep my promise to him."
Juri's voice was barely more than a hoarse whisper by the last words as he trailed off into silence.
They stayed in stunned silence for a moment. Shintaro's heart was aching for the pain that Juri had endured. But in all that sadness, there was also a glimmer of understanding—a realization that Juri's fears and struggles were not unlike his own. The threat of the infected and being scared of catching the infection scared both of them, all of them, but what the pandemic itself had made some of them endure—
"I'm so sorry." Shintaro didn't know what else to say.
"It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault."
Juri was right, that much was clear. But once again, Shintaro couldn't wrap his head around how life could be so downright unfair. How could things be so cruel? How could such people like Juri be put in such impossible situations and forced to endure so much pain?
Life wasn't fair.
At least they had each other.
As Juri kept breathing heavily next to him, Shintaro wondered if he still felt the emotional pain from sharing his story. He wished he could alleviate some of that pain. Despite his own struggles, Shintaro believed that sharing their burdens and lifting each other up might make them more bearable.
"I wasn't supposed to say this to you..." Juri started.
"No, I'm glad you did."
"No, wait, I have something else. Something even worse. I need you to know this. You just need to promise that you believe me and will listen until the end before doing anything."
Shintaro wasn't following any longer. "I mean, what are you even--"
"Shintaro. You need to promise me."
"Alright, I promise you."
"What?"
"That I'll believe you and will listen to your story until the end."
Juri nodded. He was hesitating, but then, he let go of Shintaro's hand. He lifted his arm from under the blankets and began to remove his watch. Shintaro watched in silence as Juri tossed the watch aside and thrust his wrist towards him. In the dim light, Shintaro struggled to see what was happening until Juri grabbed his hand and guided his fingers to his wrist.
As Shintaro's fingers brushed against Juri's skin, he felt something weird beneath his touch. The patchy texture of the skin.
His stomach dropped terribly.
"No. Fuck."
"Shintaro."
"That's--"
"Shintaro. Listen."
"Are you fucking infected?! What did you do to me?!" Shintaro's voice trembled in panic as he yanked his hand away and scrambled to his feet.
His mind raced, instinctively reaching for his gun until he remembered it was in his backpack, just out of reach under the ladder. A thick fog of dread enveloped him, his thoughts spiraling into chaos as he grappled with the horrifying realization that he had slept with someone who was infected. Juri was infected. And the chilling question tore through his mind: Was he infected too?
Juri also rose to his feet, reaching out in an attempt to touch him, but Shintaro recoiled, leaping back as if mere physical separation could shield him.
"For fuck's sake Shintaro, I'm not infected! Could you please listen to me," Juri shouted at him.
"You better explain fast," Shintaro said.
Juri exposed his inner wrist to him one more time. "Look at this."
"I don't care how you got bitten--"
"Look at this. It's 748 days old."
"No. Everyone turns within two days, so you stop bullshitting."
Juri took a deep breath. "I got bitten at the same time as my brother. 748 days ago. I swear. You can see from this scar it's not fresh. As you can see, it's totally healed. No fungus in other parts of me, nothing like that."
Shintaro watched silently as Juri exposed his arms in front of him. They did seem scarless, and there were no bite marks anywhere. Shintaro looked at Juri's whole body from top to bottom. His chest, legs, stomach, everything looked indeed clean.
"My brother was bitten on his leg, and I was bitten on my wrist," Juri continued. "And we had made that promise."
Shintaro didn't say anything.
Juri's voice wavered as he went on. "We agreed on that, but my brother... like I told you, he couldn't move his arms," he said, his voice catching in his throat. "So I... I did what I had to do. Help him. And then next..."
Shintaro kept listening to him in stunned silence.
"You... you were going to...?" Shintaro trailed off, unable to finish the thought. The image of Juri, with a loaded gun against his forehead.
Juri nodded. "I had made a promise with my brother. To end it before turning into infected. But in the end, I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger. I was the fucking coward."
Juri told how he had waited next to his brother's lifeless body, consumed by guilt and regret. He had waited for the inevitable, for the moment when he would turn into one of the infected. But it never happened. Instead, he found himself feeling strangely normal, the bite mark on his wrist slowly healing over the days he spent there.
"Then I simply left. I had an idea by then already. But after a week, I started suspecting something was really wrong," Juri continued. "And then, during a fight with a Firefly, I... I bit one of them. I was really angry and my knife was in my back pocket."
He paused. "But they didn't turn into infected. They just got a nice teeth mark on their hand."
"I don't-"
"I know, it doesn't sound believable. I wouldn't believe it either if someone told me the same. That someone would be immune to the bite. But Shintaro, I'm sincerely telling you the truth here. I would have no reason to lie to you. You mean the world to me, and you're the only one who knows about this."
"This is a lot to handle. A lot to deal with."
It definitely was hard to comprehend as Shintaro's mind immediately started going in various directions. There were actually humans who were immune? So, there was also a possibility for a cure--or some kind of a theoretical way to make people immune to the infection?
"I'm not blaming you," Juri said to him. "There are many many things I don't understand about this, and this thing has been bothering me so much. But you must believe me because I would never, I mean never, would lie to you about such a thing. So, can you at least believe me, please?"
For a moment, Shintaro hesitated. But it didn't take him long as he looked straight into Juri's eyes. In those eyes, he could see no lies. In those eyes, there were no threats of betrayal.
So, he found himself nodding slowly.
"Yeah," he replied. "Yeah, I believe you, Juri."
"And promise me, Shintaro. Promise me you won't tell anyone. Not even the others. They wouldn't understand," Juri implored.
Shintaro hesitated, a million questions swirling in his mind. How could Juri be so sure? How could he be sure that their group wouldn't understand? But as he looked into Juri's eyes, he saw the fear and uncertainty, and he knew he couldn't refuse. Not now.
"Okay, I promise," he finally relented. They could talk about that later.
"Thank you. I appreciate it."
"So, what are you going to do?" Shintaro asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
Juri shrugged, his expression unreadable. "I haven't thought about it, to be honest. I don't really care," he admitted. "It's just a good thing that I might be immune—but of course there's no guarantee. It could be specific to some species, or just a one-time stroke of luck. Better not to try my luck another time."
*****
As the sun rose, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold, Shintaro and Juri walked back to their lodge. Their fingers found each other naturally, intertwining as they walked side by side.
Shintaro still wanted to ask something.
"Do you ever feel guilty about what happened to your brother?" he asked.
Juri shook his head slowly, his expression pained. "I did at first. But then... maybe it's what he wanted," he admitted quietly. "He always said he'd rather die than become one of them. He wouldn't have wanted to take the risk."
"It was never your fault," Shintaro reassured him. "You did what he asked."
Juri nodded, but his expression remained troubled. "Sometimes, I can't help but wonder, what if there's a possibility for the cure? That could help them transform back into humans. But it's stupid to dwell on that. We all have to-I have to move on."
Tears seemed to well in Juri's eyes, but he gained his composure back after taking a deep breath.
"I just can't help missing him so fucking much sometimes," he finally said.
"I know," Shintaro murmured softly, squeezing Juri's hand. It felt cold against his own again, but Shintaro hoped to impart some warmth to him.
He wanted Juri to understand that he was there for him, that all of them would always be there for him.
Shintaro realized he couldn't do so many things for Juri. He couldn't bring back his old life, undo the horrors that he'd seen and done, make the infection go away, or make the world safe.
But he could wake up in the same bed with Juri during the mornings. He could help him repair their guns. He could brew some coffee for him. He could come up with something in return for Juri's birthday next year. He could believe him. He could believe in them. He could believe in all five of them. He could keep his secret.
He could love him.
And Shintaro hoped that could be enough for now.